Confession time:
I have always hoped to be a Pastor of a large church, popular among pastor circles, maybe write a book or two, have some speaking engagements, and overall be a guy other pastors look up too.
There, is that self-centered enough for you?
I am not proud of admitting that, but it was the truth. Key word: "was". I wanted all of that, but that never materialized or happened for me. I know the reasons.
Here's why: God couldn't honor my selfish, prideful heart. Plain and simple.
I pursued the things of my heart and not the things of God's heart. Now let me tell you, there are A LOT of good, godly men who have and do all those things I wanted and it is BECAUSE they are seeking the heart of God that they get to preach and lead in those venues I once desired. But for me, I did ministry out of the heart of selfish pursuits.
Today, my desire is to serve. I want simply to hear the will of God and do it. That's it. I want to serve Fernley Nevada with a heart of Christ and a desire to help others fall in love with Him. Not fall in love with me, not fall in love with Journey, but fall in love with Jesus.
The pride that ruled my heart for years still fights and argues with me everyday. I have to submit my will to God, surrender my pride to God, and supply for the things of God in order to stay on the simple road of hearing God's will and doing it.
I dream of a church that does the same. I dream of leading people to follow Christ into service and battle. I dream of people that simply want to serve however Christ would call them to serve. People who will submit and surrender to God's will. I dream of a church that serves the community with gladness and a passion. I dream of a church that gives generously to the work of the church and the needs of others. I dream of a church that volunteers in the community in order to bring light into the dark places of Fernley.
And as for me, well I want to serve alongside them. Doing the will of the Father. That's it.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Confession is good for the soul.
Take care,
Rod
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I still struggle with that occasionally, not so much the speaking part, but teaching and writing. And it's the same reason, my sinful prideful selfish focus in all of it. But I also look forward to working in this community with my Master; doing His will and seeing lives changed in relationship with Him. So, all that to say, "Yeah, me too!", although I like the way you said it better.
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