I think I may be mistaken in my life and sometimes I think that I am doing enough. I think that faith is like a nice saying on a bumper sticker or a placque on a wall.
For instance, please forgive me for the times that I quote (Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.) and yet don't live like it. I am sorry that I need you to make sense to me before I step out. And then I have the audacity to call that faith. It shows up in many ways Lord I know.
- I am sorry that I have said "Let go and let God". But truth is, I don't do that and I am not sure I believe it all the time and I am definitely too scared to let completely go.
- I am sorry that I want to "Honk, if you love Jesus!" which is cool, but I don't think honking is what you had in mind. I think if I truly loved you, then I wouldn't worry about honking, I would do more serving and more talking. Instead, the serving takes too much time and energy and the talking can really make me and my friends uncomfortable, and I don't want to do that! So maybe instead if you could give them a "Saul on the road to Damascus" experience. That would be better.
- I love the WWJD bracelets and bumper stickers but man you can't expect that kind of standard! I mean, Jesus was so good! So maybe I can't do it, but I am confident I can do a lot better! I don't wear the bracelet, but I don't need it to remind me. I have known for a long time that I should try to think about what Jesus would do and then act accordingly.
- I know I like to say, "Jesus loves you and so do I" but I am not sure if my love matches your love. Your scripture teaches that there is no greater love than this, that a man give his life for another. But truthfully, I have a hard time giving up a "value meal" a week to give to those in need.
- Yep, I know that you own the cattle on a thousand hills...but c'mon really? You can't possibly want me to give you 10% of MY income to you...do you? The truth is that you require so little from me, but I act like mine is a sacrifice of great proportion. All the while I proclaim with great pride about you giving up your life for us. Those two don't quite match up do they...?
- Finally, I talk about 1 Cross + 3 Nails =4 given, but I don't forgive others too well. I hold onto hurts, onto memories and allow them to make me an unforgiving and bitter believer. I got to believe I need to shape up when it comes to forgiveness. You told me that you will forgive me the way I forgive others.
Make me bold and courageous. No check that: I will be bold and courageous. You don't make me bold and courageous. WE CHOOSE TO BE BOLD AND COURAGEOUS because you are so worthy. I am not going to put this on you...this is all mine. I need to stop the compromise and give you my best, not my second best.
God I don't want to try to do your will with my bumper sticker faith. I promise to mean what I say and do what I say. I am your man. So use me as you will, even when it doesn't make sense to me. I will talk to others about you and not care that I am uncomfortable and I might lose a friend over it. Eternity is much more important than being comfortable. I will love people and sacrifice for them. Giving up time and energy and money if that is what is needed for them to experience the love of Christ. I will give you money each time I get paid. I will give AT LEAST 10%, plus money to meet needs, to you and not complain. Even if I don't know how I am going to pay my bills. Finally, I will forgive as I am forgiven by you. No more bitterness and holding onto hurts.
I am sure there is a lot more God. Search my heart and see if there is a wicked way in me. Cleanse me. I am your man God. It's the LEAST I can do.
I love you...really.
I can never do enough.
Rod